Victims, Confrontations and Chocolate…oh my!

by | Jul 11, 2017 | 0 comments

Do you avoid confrontations because you generally leave feeling like you lost or maybe you even feel like a victim afterward?

I get it, I used to dislike confrontations. I would always think of what I should have said later on and I left feeling defeated. Then I found a simple way to get out of that yucky feeling and it empowered me to be ok when confrontations showed up. I use Radical Forgiveness tools to feel better, about the situation and about myself.

When you use the Radical Forgiveness worksheet it takes you through the 5 Stages of Radical Forgiveness so you can shift the energy that is stuck in your body and transform it into a new story (the reframe).

When we use a worksheet we have to start from the beginning of the story where we are the victim and the person we are forgiving is the perpetrator (Stage 1 – Telling the Story).

If you are generally a nice person who doesn’t express how you really feel to others very often this can be challenging, so you are guided one step at a time.

If you were brought up to think that it’s not acceptable to express your feelings this can also block you from confronting.

Even more challenging is when you have the knowledge, are becoming the observer in your life, and know exactly when you are in victim mode and you want to get out as fast as you can!

I personally found the confrontation difficult and awkward because I fall into all three of the above categories.

Once I started doing the worksheets regularly I began to feel better for expressing what I was really thinking but didn’t want to acknowledge to myself.

The worksheet guided me to get real with myself and when I did realize I was denying my thoughts and feelings around the situation for the underlying fears of being wrong, judged, and rejected.

When I write out the confrontation in a worksheet I can say what I really want to say instead of what I think I ‘should’ say. The person is not there so I feel safe to acknowledge my true feelings.

It feels really good to get what is inside of me outside of me, it’s liberating.

I feel empowered to speak my truth out loud, even though it’s on a piece of paper and spoken for only me to hear.

When I get to confront the perpetrator and let it rip it’s a huge relief and I haven’t even got to the end of the worksheet yet!

AND I don’t have to have an argument with them because I didn’t actually say it to them.

I find the people I want to forgive most in my life are the ones I love the most so confronting and starting arguments isn’t to anyone’s benefit…. but if I don’t acknowledge what’s on my mind, my feelings in the moment of feeling victimized, they stay inside of me and I stay a victim!

When I started working with a Radical Living Coach I was able to speak my confrontation and feelings to her and she was able to catch key phrases or words that were clues to what was really going on underneath it all that I didn’t see. …..even though I am a coach too.

So I should know this stuff right?

You’ve heard the phrase before, we can’t read the label when we are inside the bottle.

Meaning, sometimes I am too close to see. Coaches need coaches too and must be doing their own work to authentically be a good coach!

 

Photo credit: http://www.lindt.ca/en/shop/our-brands/excellence-ca/excellence-cocoa-85-ca

So where does chocolate come into the equation?

Well once I’ve done a worksheet and re-framed it into a new story (because it’s mostly stories we make up with some facts buried deep inside) I celebrate myself with some Dark Chocolate for having the courage to face and acknowledge my feelings!

It’s very important to reward ourselves for having the courage to do this hard work. Facing our truth and our own B.S. we tell ourselves to keep us safe and small is not easy or comfortable! But it is how you start making the shifts you want.

Do you reward yourself for your courageous acts? Do you acknowledge your real feelings and get them outside of you so they don’t turn toxic on the inside?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying rewarding yourself with something that is not good for you but a small treat to say “YES, I did it, I made it through, I feel great, I am awesome!” is what will give you the courage to do it again and take other inspired action steps in the direction you want to go.

If you would like to get real with yourself and make some life-changing energy shifts by working with me I invite you to join one of my Radical Living Circles where we use the framework of the worksheet to heal and shift our energy from shame, guilt, fear, anger, and resentment into understanding, appreciation, and gratitude.

Ultimately you will feel more love and acceptance for yourself and the entire situation because you have gained a bigger picture perspective you can put your focus on.

If a group is not your thing and you want to dip your toe into the healing work I do and see what comes up for you get instant access to my Re-Write Your Hero Story workbook.

Once you have some insight from the workbook you are invited to have a Clarity Call to explore what you discovered and where you can go from here with my guidance and support.

Until then here’s to the finer things in life….owning our feelings and dark chocolate!!

 

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