Do you avoid confrontations because you generally leave feeling like you lost or maybe you even feel like a victim afterward?
I get it, I used to dislike confrontations. I would always think of what I should have said later on and I left feeling defeated. Then I found a simple way to get out of that yucky feeling and it empowered me to be ok when confrontations showed up. I use Radical Forgiveness tools to feel better, about the situation and about myself.
When you use the Radical Forgiveness worksheet it takes you through the 5 Stages of Radical Forgiveness so you can shift the energy that is stuck in your body and transform it into a new story (the reframe).
When we use a worksheet we have to start from the beginning of the story where we are the victim and the person we are forgiving is the perpetrator (Stage 1 – Telling the Story).
If you are generally a nice person who doesn’t express how you really feel to others very often this can be challenging, so you are guided one step at a time.
If you were brought up to think that it’s not acceptable to express your feelings this can also block you from confronting.
Even more challenging is when you have the knowledge, are becoming the observer in your life, and know exactly when you are in victim mode and you want to get out as fast as you can!
I personally found the confrontation difficult and awkward because I fall into all three of the above categories.
Once I started doing the worksheets regularly I began to feel better for expressing what I was really thinking but didn’t want to acknowledge to myself.
The worksheet guided me to get real with myself and when I did realize I was denying my thoughts and feelings around the situation for the underlying fears of being wrong, judged, and rejected.
When I write out the confrontation in a worksheet I can say what I really want to say instead of what I think I ‘should’ say. The person is not there so I feel safe to acknowledge my true feelings.
It feels really good to get what is inside of me outside of me, it’s liberating.
I feel empowered to speak my truth out loud, even though it’s on a piece of paper and spoken for only me to hear.
When I get to confront the perpetrator and let it rip it’s a huge relief and I haven’t even got to the end of the worksheet yet!
AND I don’t have to have an argument with them because I didn’t actually say it to them.
I find the people I want to forgive most in my life are the ones I love the most so confronting and starting arguments isn’t to anyone’s benefit…. but if I don’t acknowledge what’s on my mind, my feelings in the moment of feeling victimized, they stay inside of me and I stay a victim!
When I started working with a Radical Living Coach I was able to speak my confrontation and feelings to her and she was able to catch key phrases or words that were clues to what was really going on underneath it all that I didn’t see. …..even though I am a coach too.
So I should know this stuff right?
You’ve heard the phrase before, we can’t read the label when we are inside the bottle.
Meaning, sometimes I am too close to see. Coaches need coaches too and must be doing their own work to authentically be a good coach!
Photo credit: http://www.lindt.ca/en/shop/our-brands/excellence-ca/excellence-cocoa-85-ca
So where does chocolate come into the equation?
Well once I’ve done a worksheet and re-framed it into a new story (because it’s mostly stories we make up with some facts buried deep inside) I celebrate myself with some Dark Chocolate for having the courage to face and acknowledge my feelings!
It’s very important to reward ourselves for having the courage to do this hard work. Facing our truth and our own B.S. we tell ourselves to keep us safe and small is not easy or comfortable! But it is how you start making the shifts you want.
Do you reward yourself for your courageous acts? Do you acknowledge your real feelings and get them outside of you so they don’t turn toxic on the inside?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying rewarding yourself with something that is not good for you but a small treat to say “YES, I did it, I made it through, I feel great, I am awesome!” is what will give you the courage to do it again and take other inspired action steps in the direction you want to go.
If you would like to get real with yourself and make some life-changing energy shifts by working with me I invite you to join one of my Radical Living Circles where we use the framework of the worksheet to heal and shift our energy from shame, guilt, fear, anger, and resentment into understanding, appreciation, and gratitude.
Ultimately you will feel more love and acceptance for yourself and the entire situation because you have gained a bigger picture perspective you can put your focus on.
If a group is not your thing and you want to dip your toe into the healing work I do and see what comes up for you get instant access to my Re-Write Your Hero Story workbook.
Once you have some insight from the workbook you are invited to have a Clarity Call to explore what you discovered and where you can go from here with my guidance and support.
Until then here’s to the finer things in life….owning our feelings and dark chocolate!!
Besides impacting the lives of others to ‘be real and love life’ the most powerful thing about the work I get to do is the reflections of the teachings that come back to me. I always receive some type of wisdom, healing or blessing from the experience, whether it’s a private, group session or a speaking event.
Whatever the message is that I’ve conveyed I am somehow reminded of how it applies to me as well and it guides me towards the next stage of my growth.
Being aware of the subtle messages that are being sent to guide us forward is very empowering.
Last weekend at the Soul Full Day conference, I guided a group of 70 women through a visualization meditation to identify and let go of a fear story holding them back from what they truly wanted for their life, freedom to live their love story.
It was remarkable to witness them releasing the fear and claiming their love stories, seeing and feeling themselves living in the higher potential of their dreams.
This week I’ve been deeply reminded of the fear story that I’ve been carrying, ‘not being well enough to live a fulfilling life because my digestive health is failing’.
This is the same story my grandmother carried, and she died in fear with this story in her which was unconsciously passed on to me, and I accepted it.
For 8 years now I’ve been having various challenges with my digestive health. I’ve seen many different professionals and tried many different remedies and lifestyle changes. Some have worked and some haven’t. Over time things seemed to have mostly settled, then just a month ago the issues flared up again in a bigger way.
This brought up the old fear story for me as I prepare for a trip of a lifetime. I’m going to Egypt on a sacred pilgrimage to the visit the lands and ancient sites with 13 other women. This will be my first trip overseas and I’ve always been fascinated with Egyptian history, never thinking I would get the opportunity to visit until it showed up to me. I was very drawn to go, and decided I was going, even though it felt way outside my ability to be able to take such a trip.
Worries and a wide range of emotions have been coming up for me since these flare ups have been happening. My mind races and makes up stories based in old fears.
What if I am not well enough to fully experience this trip? What if I am stuck in my room and miss the tours, or what if I am not able to digest the food there? All that disappointment and money spent if I might not be able to full experience it.
These stories are very similar to what my grandmother used to tell herself. She was afraid to go far from home, let alone on a plane to another country. Everything centred around her digestive limitations and she was petrified of having an ‘accident’ while out in public. These fear stories debilitated her and she became a hermit and was very lonely in her later years.
I will never forget seeing her in the final days of her life living in fear. I visited her almost every day and seeing her like that was very sad because there wasn’t much I could do other than comfort and reassure her that she would be ok.
What it did do was motivate me to face my own fears and not go down the same path as she did. In this regard, she was a great teacher to me and not long after she transitioned I was divinely guided to take the Radical Forgiveness Master Coach 10 day training in Atlanta.
It was a huge step for me, and again way outside my comfort zone, but in the end it was one of the best things I could have done for myself because it set me on the trajectory of facing my fears, and the journey of living my love story.
I am eternally grateful to be on this path of self-forgiveness and self-acceptance just as I am, and in time I have learned to love myself. I’m still on this healing journey however this year I’ve had some major shifts in this area of my life and feel truly worthy and deserving of this love for myself because I have freedom from the fears.
This is where the synchronicity comes in again.
It just so happens that this Friday, the day I fly to Egypt, is the 9 year anniversary of my grandmother’s passing, and it’s a full moon! You just can’t make these things up. I didn’t realize the mysterious alignment of these dates until just a few weeks ago.
In numerology the number 9 represents endings and completions and I have a strong intuitive feeling that this trip is going to be transformational for me as a new beginning.
The other day when I was dancing my grandmother came to my mind, she was dancing with me, and I know she is leaving me these breadcrumb signs to follow to complete this stage of my journey. I made a promise to her that I was going to end the cycle of fear she carried and commit myself to healing into wholeness.
I have no doubt that this is all happening for me, rather than to me. And unlike my grandmother, I will face my fears and take this trip and I will trust in the divine unfoldment of it all.
I am reminded that everything is always working out for me, even if it doesn’t seem that way and she is cheering me on all along the way.
These are the same phrases I spoke to the women when I was on stage just a few days ago and they echo loudly in my mind as the beautiful blessings of having the freedom to live my love story.
If you would like to experience the guided visualization for yourself listen to the audio recording so you too can be free from your fear story and claim your love story.
In my next blog I will share about my travel adventures so stay tuned, and if you would like to be notified when I share it you can join my email Love Letter list at the bottom of this page.
Until next time… thank you for being here.
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