The fifth and final stage of Radical Forgiveness is integrating the new story. The change needs to go deep inside you at a cellular level. Before I explain how this works let’s recap the previous 4 stages.
Stage One is telling your ‘victim’ story. We have to begin here, as the victim, thinking, acting and feeling like one. Telling the story and having it witnessed and validated honours us. Someone needs to say, “I see you were hurt and I get that it happened to you. I feel your pain and you are entitled to your feelings”. Give lots of time for this step, it’s important to not rush it.
Stage Two is feeling your feelings. When we start telling our story our feelings usually start to come to the surface, however sometimes if we have stuffed them for a long time they may not come up right away. Be aware of how we can avoid our feelings, making jokes, making it less than it was, giving reasons or excuses for why the person did what they did or interpreting it spiritually, ie. “It’s all OK because it was supposed to happen for my spiritual growth therefore I am not angry/hurt/upset.”
If you catch yourself doing any of these things, that’s ok, just accept that you are changing who you are being and allow yourself to have the feelings, they are yours and you have every right to feel them without judging yourself. As the saying goes, ‘You cannot heal what you don’t feel’.
Stage Three is collapsing the story. This is where we start removing energy from our victim story by recognizing that most of the story are our interpretations of what happened and a small fraction are the actual facts of the story. As we separate the facts from our interpretations of what happened the story begins to breakdown and the pain is decreased.
Another way to collapse the story is to practice understanding and compassion to those who victimized us. Trying to understand what caused them to do what they did; taking a ‘walk in their shoes’ for a few moments so we can cut them some slack helps us head towards Radical Forgiveness. This stage prepares us for the next stage which is our shift in perception that is needed to re-frame the story.
Stage Four is re-framing the story. We now try to become open to the possibility that there may be another way to look at our victim story and turn it into our ‘happily –ever-after’ story. We don’t have to believe this new story, only be willing to consider it a possibility.
The Radical Forgiveness re-frame gives us an opportunity to practice looking at the situation from the new paradigm and seeing how it feels to think of it as such. Most of us have to ‘fake it until we make it’ as this is completely different way of looking at it compared to our 3rd dimensional world we live in. The process involves our openness to the possibility that what happened to us was exactly what our soul wanted for our spiritual growth, even though it may have been horribly tragic.
We also stay open to the fact that those involved were our healing angels for giving us this experience. Our consciousness changes when we can shift our perception and a sense of calm and peace is quite often instantaneous….even though we are still faking it.
Stage Five is integrating the new story at a cellular level into our various subtle bodies: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. When we can do this it becomes a part of who we are. There are various ways to achieve this and any time we change our perception of a situation it’s important to integrate it so it sticks.
Some ways to integrate our new story:
- Breathwork – mindful deep breathing- inhaling through the nose and filling our diaphragm, and exhaling out through the mouth. Do this for a few minutes.
- Drawing or colouring – intuitively do whatever comes to you, be creative!
- Writing your thoughts down (on scrap paper, in a journal or a blog)
- Dancing to music, or simply listening to music and signing
- Take a walk and reflecting- ideally in nature but anywhere will do
- Speaking our truth – using our voice is powerful as this is where our energy gets stuck the most. Telling the new story out loud to ourselves, reading our worksheet or answering ‘Yes’ when we are working through the 13 Steps to Radical Forgiveness audio.
As you re-write your victim stories and turn them into your ‘happily –ever-after’ stories you will begin to become aware when you are going into ‘victimland’ and you will know exactly how to transcend the story from anger, resentment or bitterness into one of gratitude, appreciation and acceptance as you go through the 5 stage method called ‘The Tipping Method’, created by Colin Tipping, author of the book Radical Forgiveness.
Using the free self-help tools and working with a coach to guide and support you through the process is the most kind and loving thing you can do for yourself and for those you love. When you are no longer a victim of circumstance you realize you are the creator of your life and it’s your responsibility.
You will continue to attract people and lessons to help support your spiritual growth and you can move through these lessons without suffering. The simple and easy to use Radical Forgiveness tools help us to transcend the stories and become closer to the Divine Truth of who we really are.
Our results are feeling peace, calm, an open heart, the energy to create our life the way we want it to be and happiness, just to name a few.
Are you wondering if you are ready to forgive radically? Let’s talk and get you some clarity. I’m open to exploring it with you to see if you ready to take responsibility for your situation and do something life-changing, something radical.
Besides impacting the lives of others to ‘be real and love life’ the most powerful thing about the work I get to do is the reflections of the teachings that come back to me. I always receive some type of wisdom, healing or blessing from the experience, whether it’s a private, group session or a speaking event.
Whatever the message is that I’ve conveyed I am somehow reminded of how it applies to me as well and it guides me towards the next stage of my growth.
Being aware of the subtle messages that are being sent to guide us forward is very empowering.
Last weekend at the Soul Full Day conference, I guided a group of 70 women through a visualization meditation to identify and let go of a fear story holding them back from what they truly wanted for their life, freedom to live their love story.
It was remarkable to witness them releasing the fear and claiming their love stories, seeing and feeling themselves living in the higher potential of their dreams.
This week I’ve been deeply reminded of the fear story that I’ve been carrying, ‘not being well enough to live a fulfilling life because my digestive health is failing’.
This is the same story my grandmother carried, and she died in fear with this story in her which was unconsciously passed on to me, and I accepted it.
For 8 years now I’ve been having various challenges with my digestive health. I’ve seen many different professionals and tried many different remedies and lifestyle changes. Some have worked and some haven’t. Over time things seemed to have mostly settled, then just a month ago the issues flared up again in a bigger way.
This brought up the old fear story for me as I prepare for a trip of a lifetime. I’m going to Egypt on a sacred pilgrimage to the visit the lands and ancient sites with 13 other women. This will be my first trip overseas and I’ve always been fascinated with Egyptian history, never thinking I would get the opportunity to visit until it showed up to me. I was very drawn to go, and decided I was going, even though it felt way outside my ability to be able to take such a trip.
Worries and a wide range of emotions have been coming up for me since these flare ups have been happening. My mind races and makes up stories based in old fears.
What if I am not well enough to fully experience this trip? What if I am stuck in my room and miss the tours, or what if I am not able to digest the food there? All that disappointment and money spent if I might not be able to full experience it.
These stories are very similar to what my grandmother used to tell herself. She was afraid to go far from home, let alone on a plane to another country. Everything centred around her digestive limitations and she was petrified of having an ‘accident’ while out in public. These fear stories debilitated her and she became a hermit and was very lonely in her later years.
I will never forget seeing her in the final days of her life living in fear. I visited her almost every day and seeing her like that was very sad because there wasn’t much I could do other than comfort and reassure her that she would be ok.
What it did do was motivate me to face my own fears and not go down the same path as she did. In this regard, she was a great teacher to me and not long after she transitioned I was divinely guided to take the Radical Forgiveness Master Coach 10 day training in Atlanta.
It was a huge step for me, and again way outside my comfort zone, but in the end it was one of the best things I could have done for myself because it set me on the trajectory of facing my fears, and the journey of living my love story.
I am eternally grateful to be on this path of self-forgiveness and self-acceptance just as I am, and in time I have learned to love myself. I’m still on this healing journey however this year I’ve had some major shifts in this area of my life and feel truly worthy and deserving of this love for myself because I have freedom from the fears.
This is where the synchronicity comes in again.
It just so happens that this Friday, the day I fly to Egypt, is the 9 year anniversary of my grandmother’s passing, and it’s a full moon! You just can’t make these things up. I didn’t realize the mysterious alignment of these dates until just a few weeks ago.
In numerology the number 9 represents endings and completions and I have a strong intuitive feeling that this trip is going to be transformational for me as a new beginning.
The other day when I was dancing my grandmother came to my mind, she was dancing with me, and I know she is leaving me these breadcrumb signs to follow to complete this stage of my journey. I made a promise to her that I was going to end the cycle of fear she carried and commit myself to healing into wholeness.
I have no doubt that this is all happening for me, rather than to me. And unlike my grandmother, I will face my fears and take this trip and I will trust in the divine unfoldment of it all.
I am reminded that everything is always working out for me, even if it doesn’t seem that way and she is cheering me on all along the way.
These are the same phrases I spoke to the women when I was on stage just a few days ago and they echo loudly in my mind as the beautiful blessings of having the freedom to live my love story.
If you would like to experience the guided visualization for yourself listen to the audio recording so you too can be free from your fear story and claim your love story.
In my next blog I will share about my travel adventures so stay tuned, and if you would like to be notified when I share it you can join my email Love Letter list at the bottom of this page.
Until next time… thank you for being here.
Stage Two is feeling your feelings. When we start telling our story our feelings usually start to come to the surface, however sometimes if we have stuffed them for a long time they may not come up right away. Be aware of how we can avoid our feelings, making jokes, making it less than it was, giving reasons or excuses for why the person did what they did or interpreting it spiritually, ie. “It’s all OK because it was supposed to happen for my spiritual growth therefore I am not angry/hurt/upset.”
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