The fifth and final stage of Radical Forgiveness is integrating the new story. The change needs to go deep inside you at a cellular level. Before I explain how this works let’s recap the previous 4 stages.
Stage One is telling your ‘victim’ story. We have to begin here, as the victim, thinking, acting and feeling like one. Telling the story and having it witnessed and validated honours us. Someone needs to say, “I see you were hurt and I get that it happened to you. I feel your pain and you are entitled to your feelings”. Give lots of time for this step, it’s important to not rush it.
Stage Two is feeling your feelings. When we start telling our story our feelings usually start to come to the surface, however sometimes if we have stuffed them for a long time they may not come up right away. Be aware of how we can avoid our feelings, making jokes, making it less than it was, giving reasons or excuses for why the person did what they did or interpreting it spiritually, ie. “It’s all OK because it was supposed to happen for my spiritual growth therefore I am not angry/hurt/upset.”
If you catch yourself doing any of these things, that’s ok, just accept that you are changing who you are being and allow yourself to have the feelings, they are yours and you have every right to feel them without judging yourself. As the saying goes, ‘You cannot heal what you don’t feel’.
Stage Three is collapsing the story. This is where we start removing energy from our victim story by recognizing that most of the story are our interpretations of what happened and a small fraction are the actual facts of the story. As we separate the facts from our interpretations of what happened the story begins to breakdown and the pain is decreased.
Another way to collapse the story is to practice understanding and compassion to those who victimized us. Trying to understand what caused them to do what they did; taking a ‘walk in their shoes’ for a few moments so we can cut them some slack helps us head towards Radical Forgiveness. This stage prepares us for the next stage which is our shift in perception that is needed to re-frame the story.
Stage Four is re-framing the story. We now try to become open to the possibility that there may be another way to look at our victim story and turn it into our ‘happily –ever-after’ story. We don’t have to believe this new story, only be willing to consider it a possibility.
The Radical Forgiveness re-frame gives us an opportunity to practice looking at the situation from the new paradigm and seeing how it feels to think of it as such. Most of us have to ‘fake it until we make it’ as this is completely different way of looking at it compared to our 3rd dimensional world we live in. The process involves our openness to the possibility that what happened to us was exactly what our soul wanted for our spiritual growth, even though it may have been horribly tragic.
We also stay open to the fact that those involved were our healing angels for giving us this experience. Our consciousness changes when we can shift our perception and a sense of calm and peace is quite often instantaneous….even though we are still faking it.
Stage Five is integrating the new story at a cellular level into our various subtle bodies: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. When we can do this it becomes a part of who we are. There are various ways to achieve this and any time we change our perception of a situation it’s important to integrate it so it sticks.
Some ways to integrate our new story:
- Breathwork – mindful deep breathing- inhaling through the nose and filling our diaphragm, and exhaling out through the mouth. Do this for a few minutes.
- Drawing or colouring – intuitively do whatever comes to you, be creative!
- Writing your thoughts down (on scrap paper, in a journal or a blog)
- Dancing to music, or simply listening to music and signing
- Take a walk and reflecting- ideally in nature but anywhere will do
- Speaking our truth – using our voice is powerful as this is where our energy gets stuck the most. Telling the new story out loud to ourselves, reading our worksheet or answering ‘Yes’ when we are working through the 13 Steps to Radical Forgiveness audio.
As you re-write your victim stories and turn them into your ‘happily –ever-after’ stories you will begin to become aware when you are going into ‘victimland’ and you will know exactly how to transcend the story from anger, resentment or bitterness into one of gratitude, appreciation and acceptance as you go through the 5 stage method called ‘The Tipping Method’, created by Colin Tipping, author of the book Radical Forgiveness.
Using the free self-help tools and working with a coach to guide and support you through the process is the most kind and loving thing you can do for yourself and for those you love. When you are no longer a victim of circumstance you realize you are the creator of your life and it’s your responsibility.
You will continue to attract people and lessons to help support your spiritual growth and you can move through these lessons without suffering. The simple and easy to use Radical Forgiveness tools help us to transcend the stories and become closer to the Divine Truth of who we really are.
Our results are feeling peace, calm, an open heart, the energy to create our life the way we want it to be and happiness, just to name a few.
Are you wondering if you are ready to forgive radically? Let’s talk and get you some clarity. I’m open to exploring it with you to see if you ready to take responsibility for your situation and do something life-changing, something radical.