It keeps coming in waves.
Heartbreak, afraid to face the inner demons or even acknowledge them.
War, poverty, abuse, struggle, feeling alone and hopeleness.
It’s not easy to be acutely aware.
It’s all existing. It is in my face, I can’t look away as much as I want to.
To look away is to avoid it and to avoid it is futile to end the suffering.
The deep feelings of longing to save everyone from suffering, yet I am only in control of one.
I pray, I ask for help, I feel less alone but still lost, I cannot be a saviour.
I surrender, this too shall pass. Suffering exists in me and outside of me.
The addiction to victimhood and suffering is strong.
It’s lifetimes of embedded patterns
Creating a web of pain that no one wants to feel.
We can’t change until we feel the pain and see it for what it is.
A wake up call to give attention to it, be with it,
question it’s validity
and Choose Again.
I am growing stronger, more aware and letting myself feel it.
I allow the tears to stream down my face, I feel my heart breaking open.
I touch into the pain I have caused and I feel it more.
I have hurt others, intentionally and unintentionally.
I Choose Again to love and accept others just as they are.
And my egoic mind fights me every step.
‘But they did this to you!’ it says. ‘So you are right and they are wrong’.
What if they are showing me what I’m resisting in myself?
What if there is no right or wrong?
I Choose Again to love and accept myself just as I am.
What if we created all of this with our powerful egoic minds?
Generation after generation, webs weaved of suffering, the guilt, the shame and the separation.
There is so much anger, resentment and fear in the air.
The demons are there, trying to convince us of our rightness.
WE get to Choose Again.
Connect to our Higher Power, our hearts, and calm our minds with presence to it all.
Bring our attention back to our centre and repeat often..
I surrender to PATIENCE.
I surrender to FAITH.
I surrender to LOVE.
I Choose Again.
by Lorree Appleby