Why do so many of us struggle with consistent self-care?
Who do we do everything but truly love ourselves?
These are big questions I’ve been reflecting on, and while there are many answers, this is what I believe it comes down to.
We were not taught what real self-care is and how to love all parts of ourselves. We were taught to see life from a limited perspective of deficiency.
Besides society and the media’s mixed messages, most of us have parents and ancestors who came from wounded past environments based on lies, manipulation, war and abuse of all kinds which has lead to a normalized sense of growing dysfunction as it’s passes down the generations.
We carry it through our life mixed with our own experiences and how we respond to them and pass it on to our children.
This is also true for the beautiful and wonderful traits and qualities we have received from our lineages and we can take advantage of that.
Yet what remains is humanity is not able to truly love ourselves…yet.
Truth be told, we are a co-dependent society and the patterns of looking for the love we need outside of ourselves runs deep.
If you were not brought up to care for yourself because your parents didn’t consistently model this to you, you most likely struggle with loving yourself.
If you don’t love yourself you are going to struggle with receiving love from others. I know this because this is the journey I am on.
This stems back to what core beliefs we have about ourselves and the world around us. So many false beliefs have been passed down to us that are not even ours and many now realize how important self-love is in order to be truly happy and healthy.
If this rings true for you and you’re unsure where to start, begin by taking stock of what is showing up in your life. Look at all areas and evaluate your level of satisfaction on a scale of 1-10.
Once you evaluate where you are now take a breath and begin with compassion for yourself. Facing our inner truth isn’t for the faint of heart, but would you rather face it or hide from it?
Once you have evaluated your life, think about your mental, emotional and physical energy that you give to others, and compare it to what you give to yourself.
What would you evaluate that to be? If it’s more than 50% going out then there’s going to be a deficit in your energy.
If our cup is empty of our attention, care and love how can we possibly give more of our energy to others?
We do it all the time, and it takes a toll on us.
This is a big lesson I’m still learning as a former people pleaser working in an industry where practicing self-care is mandatory in order to do the work I do.
For so many years I didn’t take good care of myself, it was always about serving others, family, work, friends, people in need more than me. Or so I thought.
These are all noble ways of being but if we are not giving to ourselves first then we are giving from a place of lack and emptiness.
I’ve had to teach myself that I’m worthy of care, love, attention, money and pleasure. Somedays my cup is half full and sometimes it runs over, and I’m happy to say it’s no longer on empty.
I’m more aware of my energy levels and practice loving self-care while I work through the feelings of guilt and even shame that can come up with it by identifying and feeling them.
It used to feel selfish to do this and that’s exactly why I resisted it. Being on this self-care journey in all aspects of mind, body and soul has taught me that it’s not selfish to put ourselves first.
This is how we begin to heal the relationship with ourself that has been deficient in self-love.
When we are loved and cared for we can more easily love all parts of ourself and feel confident that we are worthy of that love and care, and we can authentically express it and share it with others from the overflow.
If you are ready to do the work to feel worthy of self-care and self-love I invite you to consider having a clarity call with me by booking here, or take a look at my offerings at the same link to see what resonates with you.
There are several options to choose from that will support you on your self-love journey, because you are not meant to do it alone.