This is one of my favourite topics because I know the key to unlocking growth is through our feelings. When I have a client who allows herself to feel I know how cleansing and healing it can be for her. So often we tend to resist feelings.
It’s a refreshing change seeing the younger generations being more open to having their feelings. They often refer to it as ‘feeling the feels’ and after all, this is why we are here, to have a variety of feeling experiences and evolve through the growth we gain from them.
Yet so many older generations don’t talk much about feelings. Most of us were taught to not ‘burden others’ with our feelings or we learned it unconsciously because we didn’t see people openly talking about it. I’ve noticed over the years it can be considered weird or too much information for others to speak about their feelings for long, myself included. It often makes others feel uncomfortable which makes sense if it’s not been normalized. Feeling safe to feel and share with another person is very important and usually we would only share with a trusted friend if you had one.
Feelings are vulnerable and that has been identified as showing weakness which can be a taboo subject.
This is what society often taught us, when someone expresses their true feelings they were often the butt of jokes or picked on. Just look at TV or movies; it’s been modeled to us for ages. I’m not saying humour isn’t helpful to reduce stress and tension however if it’s used to mask or deflect our feelings it can be detrimental not expressing our true feelings over time.
So to remedy this suppression of emoting we figured out all sorts of ways to numb out and even avoid them all together.
Deep down we secretly judge ourselves for having them because we identify with them and labelled ourselves as wrong or bad. I’m not saying this isn’t still the case for many but at least we are talking about it socially and that normalizes them which reduces the fear of digging into the root of them.
It’s important to be witnessed and validated when we process our deeper emotional pain and it always feels better to let our feelings out to a compassionate and trusted person. This is one of the main things I support my clients with and it’s usually that they have developed an unconscious suppression to feel.
I know that was me, I would feel the feeling rising from my belly and stop just before it got to my throat, it would get stuck there. I had to focus my attention and tell myself it’s OK to feel, let it come up and out so I can release it. After some practice and working with a coach I can now allow my feelings to surface and be felt and I have way less stress and tension in my body and feel a sense of relief after.
We are evolving as a species and gradually over the past several decades we have seen mental health issues rise and many people struggle with the amount of feelings they have and what to do about them. If you’re having heavy feelings and/or have had a painful or traumatic experience my best advice is to see a health care professional. Don’t do this alone, ask for help!
In saying that, you can practice managing your feelings.
Here’s the 5 steps to help you practice.
1. Identify the feeling – Eg. “I’m feeling frustration, that’s OK, I am entitled to feel frustrated. It’s just a feeling and it will pass.”
2. Allow that feeling to be there, sit with the frustration, notice how it feels and make sure to breathe slowly and deeply not quick and shallow. (Journaling your feelings is a great help)
3. Do not attach to the feeling. Remind yourself you are feeling frustrated, you are not frustrated. Don’t take the feeling on as your identity.
4. Intentionally ask yourself what this feeling is teaching you? It’s usually the opposite of what the feeling is, so in our example of frustration you could be learning how to practice staying calm and not feeling as if you need to control everything. Have compassion for yourself.
5. Release the feeling. Thank the feelings for their lessons and be grateful for them. Even if you really are not feeling gratitude at the time that’s ok, intentionally hand it over to your higher power and trust it’s all working out in the grand scheme of things. Be appreciative and celebrate yourself that you allowed that feeling to be felt, move through your body and release it. That’s an accomplishment!!
Being mindful with focused attention on our breath when we are having our feelings is very helpful to stay in control and feel in a healthy way. If you find this is too much to do on your own or you want to be able to do this faster with support let’s explore that on a Clarity Call.
Remember the adage … we must feel it to heal it.
Learning how to master your feelings is one of the best gifts you can give yourself and everyone around you will benefit too!
In Love & Gratitude,
Lorree
Besides impacting the lives of others to ‘be real and love life’ the most powerful thing about the work I get to do is the reflections of the teachings that come back to me. I always receive some type of wisdom, healing or blessing from the experience, whether it’s a private, group session or a speaking event.
Whatever the message is that I’ve conveyed I am somehow reminded of how it applies to me as well and it guides me towards the next stage of my growth.
Being aware of the subtle messages that are being sent to guide us forward is very empowering.
Last weekend at the Soul Full Day conference, I guided a group of 70 women through a visualization meditation to identify and let go of a fear story holding them back from what they truly wanted for their life, freedom to live their love story.
It was remarkable to witness them releasing the fear and claiming their love stories, seeing and feeling themselves living in the higher potential of their dreams.
This week I’ve been deeply reminded of the fear story that I’ve been carrying, ‘not being well enough to live a fulfilling life because my digestive health is failing’.
This is the same story my grandmother carried, and she died in fear with this story in her which was unconsciously passed on to me, and I accepted it.
For 8 years now I’ve been having various challenges with my digestive health. I’ve seen many different professionals and tried many different remedies and lifestyle changes. Some have worked and some haven’t. Over time things seemed to have mostly settled, then just a month ago the issues flared up again in a bigger way.
This brought up the old fear story for me as I prepare for a trip of a lifetime. I’m going to Egypt on a sacred pilgrimage to the visit the lands and ancient sites with 13 other women. This will be my first trip overseas and I’ve always been fascinated with Egyptian history, never thinking I would get the opportunity to visit until it showed up to me. I was very drawn to go, and decided I was going, even though it felt way outside my ability to be able to take such a trip.
Worries and a wide range of emotions have been coming up for me since these flare ups have been happening. My mind races and makes up stories based in old fears.
What if I am not well enough to fully experience this trip? What if I am stuck in my room and miss the tours, or what if I am not able to digest the food there? All that disappointment and money spent if I might not be able to full experience it.
These stories are very similar to what my grandmother used to tell herself. She was afraid to go far from home, let alone on a plane to another country. Everything centred around her digestive limitations and she was petrified of having an ‘accident’ while out in public. These fear stories debilitated her and she became a hermit and was very lonely in her later years.
I will never forget seeing her in the final days of her life living in fear. I visited her almost every day and seeing her like that was very sad because there wasn’t much I could do other than comfort and reassure her that she would be ok.
What it did do was motivate me to face my own fears and not go down the same path as she did. In this regard, she was a great teacher to me and not long after she transitioned I was divinely guided to take the Radical Forgiveness Master Coach 10 day training in Atlanta.
It was a huge step for me, and again way outside my comfort zone, but in the end it was one of the best things I could have done for myself because it set me on the trajectory of facing my fears, and the journey of living my love story.
I am eternally grateful to be on this path of self-forgiveness and self-acceptance just as I am, and in time I have learned to love myself. I’m still on this healing journey however this year I’ve had some major shifts in this area of my life and feel truly worthy and deserving of this love for myself because I have freedom from the fears.
This is where the synchronicity comes in again.
It just so happens that this Friday, the day I fly to Egypt, is the 9 year anniversary of my grandmother’s passing, and it’s a full moon! You just can’t make these things up. I didn’t realize the mysterious alignment of these dates until just a few weeks ago.
In numerology the number 9 represents endings and completions and I have a strong intuitive feeling that this trip is going to be transformational for me as a new beginning.
The other day when I was dancing my grandmother came to my mind, she was dancing with me, and I know she is leaving me these breadcrumb signs to follow to complete this stage of my journey. I made a promise to her that I was going to end the cycle of fear she carried and commit myself to healing into wholeness.
I have no doubt that this is all happening for me, rather than to me. And unlike my grandmother, I will face my fears and take this trip and I will trust in the divine unfoldment of it all.
I am reminded that everything is always working out for me, even if it doesn’t seem that way and she is cheering me on all along the way.
These are the same phrases I spoke to the women when I was on stage just a few days ago and they echo loudly in my mind as the beautiful blessings of having the freedom to live my love story.
If you would like to experience the guided visualization for yourself listen to the audio recording so you too can be free from your fear story and claim your love story.
In my next blog I will share about my travel adventures so stay tuned, and if you would like to be notified when I share it you can join my email Love Letter list at the bottom of this page.
Until next time… thank you for being here.
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