I remember to stop and appreciate the beauty of life rather than live in the anxious mind. I am retraining my mind to accept this.
Living presently from the neck down in the body takes a lot of practice and perseverance and I get to choose it every day.
Some people I know have always taken care and pride focusing on their body’s well being, and I admire them for it.
I used to judge myself when I saw their milestones and pictures because I lived in my head and disassociated from my body.
I didn’t feel safe in my body, I didn’t feel safe in general, I had this anxious part of me who was always on guard looking out for danger.
In the past my body seemed to cause me problems. I received attention I didn’t know what to do with because I was way too young to be sexualized and from ages 9-14 I was a young girl living in a developing woman’s body.
My identity was skewed and my developing self-esteem was crushed from the bullying and body shaming I endured at school. I kept most of this to myself.
Besides this I was also highly sensitive and so I shut that off and I turned on myself.
I crossed my arms to cover my chest and I began to disconnect from my body and process my feelings in my head.
I only felt safe and comfortable to express myself to a few people, the rest of the time I wore a mask and kept my deep feelings to myself.
This is one way of many ways we feel separate and alone in our pain and I now realize my soul came here to have these types of experiences, it’s one of my Soul Adventures.
I am on a journey many of us are on which is why I wrote this.
I am reconnecting to myself through my body and turning on my senses of feeling from it rather than listening to my head.
I no longer believe the lies that I’m not safe to feel, to be fully present in my body, to express myself, to enjoy pleasure without hiding it and to love all parts of myself because I forgave myself for all I put myself through.
I will and have many opportunities to embody the Real Me and I will say yes to all of them that feel good!
How about you? Does this resonate? What will you say yes to?