I laughed out loud when I saw this meme, it was funny because it often feels true lately. Our lives have been turned upside down and we can either scream in fear or hang on, trust it’s going to turn out just fine no matter what happens and do our best to enjoy the ride.

I’ve given up going back to normal a long time ago. I didn’t feel it was sustainable anyways. I felt a lot of pressure to do, do, do and I was missing out on the being of life. But it wasn’t uncomfortable enough for me to make big changes and that’s when I usually make them, when I can’t stand it any longer.

Like many, my spiritual awakening happened for the second time in 2020 and it’s been extremely eye-opening to dig deep into what’s truly important to me and let go of many things that I was doing on autopilot.

I have my ups and downs in life as everyone does and I’m learning every day to practice going with the flow of uncertainty. I didn’t in the beginning, I went full out into an old pattern of serving others and wasn’t taking sufficient care of my own needs.

Two months of that and I got sick. I was getting the intuitive messages to slow down but my logical mind wasn’t having any of that.

Facing the unknown of what would or would not happen if I did slow down or take time off went against what my logical mind thought was right. It wanted to come up with plans and strategies to stay in control of the ever-changing world we are living in and help others cope.

The truth is we do not have control of what goes on outside of ourselves. We try to and keep hitting the same wall that doesn’t seem to work because change is a constant we need to accept.

We are learning to ride these waves of uncertainty and immense change on many levels, we are reevaluating everything, especially with ourselves.

What we can control is our change on the inside, the vulnerable stuff, where many of us resist going, and that takes commitment to focus our attention within our heart, quieten the mind, listen to our body and then take inspired action that is in alignment with what our needs are.

This is a tall order due to the fact that we are consistently being pulled towards technology and information from many sources. I have gotten lost in a sea of information many times. My brain will furiously process it, trying to make sense because there are truths, versions of the truth and lies all mixed together.

It was exhausting and distracting me from what I really needed, to focus on myself first.

This part of my journey has been a long road for me, my past pattern was to put others’ needs before my own. I didn’t feel worthy to receive love, attention, or things and felt I had to prove myself. There were some deep wounds I have been healing around my worth, my value, and using my voice.

Whenever I would nurture myself and put my own needs before others all the heavy feelings would come up. Guilt, shame, comparisons, not enoughs, imposter syndrome, and lots of shoulds.

I was used to conforming to what the crowd did, if others did it then it must be the right thing to do I thought. Until it was not; do you remember that saying our parents would repeat in hopes that we would not blindly follow the crowd?

“If all your friends jumped off a bridge would you too?”

That saying never worked for me. I wanted to belong, to fit in and be accepted and I’ve jumped off many proverbial bridges in my day and regretted it most times. Fitting into someone else’s box to me meant I was accepted, and that meant I was safe.

But really what was I safe from when I didn’t follow what my own intuition said and instead followed what others told me was best? I’m not saying I never followed it but most of the time I didn’t because I didn’t trust myself to critically think and make a good decision, I almost always second-guessed myself.

I did this in school, as a teenager (and got into a lot of trouble), as a young mother, employee, and wife, I made many decisions that I later wondered why because when I reflect on them, they didn’t align with my values, I was conforming and each time I did it sent a message to my brain that others knew what was best for me before I did.

I would also avoid offending others by keeping my thoughts or opinions to myself that were not the same as theirs. I would blend in like a chameleon so I was accepted as part of the crowd. I did this so I didn’t feel rejected and all along I was rejecting my real self.

I was not confident in who I was, I didn’t take the time to know myself because there was pain there and I was afraid to feel pain. When I gradually connected with the wounded parts of me I saw they were also powerful parts, and again, I was afraid to tap into them.

I was afraid to take the risk to walk my own path that is in alignment with my values.  

These parts of me need my love and acceptance, I need to stand firmly in my power and what I believe is best for me. Now I’m faced with this lesson coming around again as I contemplate my life, what it means to me and how I want to move forward.

These points below are what I have committed to practicing as I radically live my life on my terms, co-creating with Spirit and expanding my consciousness to deeper understandings. I’m sure these will evolve as I do.

• Taking personal responsibility for my well-being in mind, body, and soul, through the free will choices I make in each moment.
• Thinking and discerning for myself and not taking what others say as absolutes.
• Staying open-minded and viewing my past and present experiences from different perspectives.
• Seeing everything that shows up in my life is here to teach me so I can learn, grow and evolve.
• Devoting myself to shifting my life to being more sustainable and freeing for all living beings to live in peace and harmony.
• Leading by example and serving others doing what I love with passion, integrity, compassion, and kindness.
• Remembering we are all unique and imperfectly perfect, therefore respecting and honouring others, beliefs, values, and differences while intending to do no harm.
• Reminding myself of my immense value and worth, being sure my words and actions reflect it, and forgiving myself when they don’t as it’s showing me what else is needing my love and attention.
• Embracing life with curiosity and wonderment in the mysteries of how it will all unfold.
• Expecting magic and miracles of unlimited possibilities, including self-healing through intentions, sound, light, movement and nature.

How about you?

What has this crazy rollercoaster ride of the 2020’s taught you about what’s most important to you so far?  A more important follow-up question to ask yourself is, what are you going to do about it?

It doesn’t have to be big, just contemplating putting yourself first so you can be your best self is moving towards it.

Wherever you are on your journey please know you are exactly where you need to be. Look around at all you can learn from it and intentionally surrender to this truth.

If you need support there are many options, it can certainly get overwhelming as we all don’t have the privilege of time, means, or energy.

Reach out to me if you need support, I can point you in the best direction for your next steps.

If this resonated and you know you need to start putting yourself first I invite you to get more details on my upcoming Self-First Journey online course where I teach you the foundational principles of what I’ve learned and how you can apply it to your own life your way!

Join the VIP list here.