Tell me if this scenario sounds familiar?
The holidays are approaching fast, with the extra family obligations, school concerts, parties and holiday shopping, you don’t have any time to just stop and breathe.
You are constantly behind the clock trying to get everything done and then the simplest thing goes wrong and you erupt! As the shouting ends and your child looks up at you, you feel it, that sinking terrible feeling, guilt.
Guilt seems to be built into motherhood at some time or another. We put a lot of responsibility on our self to be perfect. When it gets out of hand we feel guilty when we take even a little time for ourselves because we feel as if we are taking away from someone or something that needs our attention.
We feel guilty when we aren’t doing enough, giving enough, being enough. Even though we are busy being employees, entrepreneurs, teachers, housekeepers, nurses, grocery shoppers, taxis, organizers, friends, wives etc. we still feel guilt.
Eventually all that guilt can begin to take a toll.
Your stress levels are higher, your mind is on a toxic thought pattern loop of the endless to do lists and you’re frazzled to the point that you need a vacation from your vacation! Health problems can come to light as well as sleeping issues and what often happens is we get sick during the holidays because it’s our bodies way of saying ‘that’s enough, you’re taking some time for yourself!’
Here are some simple ways to kick guilt to the curb:
Surrender to the fact that you don’t have to get everything done. Let the dishes sit in the sink for a night or the laundry to wait until tomorrow. Ask for help!
Fit in your self-care every day! We are much more productive and happy when we have nurtured our self. A 30 minute walk or a bubble bath while writing in our journal and listening to our favourite music will renew our energy to be a better person.
Watch your self-talk and if it’s not something you would say to someone you love then change it! We must be our own cheerleader so praise yourself instead of beating yourself up and celebrate all the wins, big and small!
Be mindful in the present moment. Spending quality time with your loved ones and with yourself will keep you feeling balanced and fulfilled.
If you are a big worrier hand your worries over to your higher power. What you focus on grows so focus on how grateful you are for what is going well and what you do have and let the rest go!
It is important to remember that we are human and we are allowed to be frustrated, sad, happy, angry, confused, anxious, and the list goes on. Just allow yourself to feel it and let it move through you. We are beautifully imperfect and should not strive for perfection. The truth is that no one is.
When we look back at the scenario above when you lost your temper with your child, the odds are your child will forgive you instantly so cut yourself some slack, forgive yourself and start modeling who you want your child to be.
You can’t change your past but you can change your present and future so focus your energy there.
David Rappo once said, “Guilt is rooted in actions of the past, perpetuated in lack of action in the present and delivered in the future as pain and suffering.”
Happy guilt-free holidays!
Lorree Appleby,
www.ourpurposefuljourney.com
Besides impacting the lives of others to ‘be real and love life’ the most powerful thing about the work I get to do is the reflections of the teachings that come back to me. I always receive some type of wisdom, healing or blessing from the experience, whether it’s a private, group session or a speaking event.
Whatever the message is that I’ve conveyed I am somehow reminded of how it applies to me as well and it guides me towards the next stage of my growth.
Being aware of the subtle messages that are being sent to guide us forward is very empowering.
Last weekend at the Soul Full Day conference, I guided a group of 70 women through a visualization meditation to identify and let go of a fear story holding them back from what they truly wanted for their life, freedom to live their love story.
It was remarkable to witness them releasing the fear and claiming their love stories, seeing and feeling themselves living in the higher potential of their dreams.
This week I’ve been deeply reminded of the fear story that I’ve been carrying, ‘not being well enough to live a fulfilling life because my digestive health is failing’.
This is the same story my grandmother carried, and she died in fear with this story in her which was unconsciously passed on to me, and I accepted it.
For 8 years now I’ve been having various challenges with my digestive health. I’ve seen many different professionals and tried many different remedies and lifestyle changes. Some have worked and some haven’t. Over time things seemed to have mostly settled, then just a month ago the issues flared up again in a bigger way.
This brought up the old fear story for me as I prepare for a trip of a lifetime. I’m going to Egypt on a sacred pilgrimage to the visit the lands and ancient sites with 13 other women. This will be my first trip overseas and I’ve always been fascinated with Egyptian history, never thinking I would get the opportunity to visit until it showed up to me. I was very drawn to go, and decided I was going, even though it felt way outside my ability to be able to take such a trip.
Worries and a wide range of emotions have been coming up for me since these flare ups have been happening. My mind races and makes up stories based in old fears.
What if I am not well enough to fully experience this trip? What if I am stuck in my room and miss the tours, or what if I am not able to digest the food there? All that disappointment and money spent if I might not be able to full experience it.
These stories are very similar to what my grandmother used to tell herself. She was afraid to go far from home, let alone on a plane to another country. Everything centred around her digestive limitations and she was petrified of having an ‘accident’ while out in public. These fear stories debilitated her and she became a hermit and was very lonely in her later years.
I will never forget seeing her in the final days of her life living in fear. I visited her almost every day and seeing her like that was very sad because there wasn’t much I could do other than comfort and reassure her that she would be ok.
What it did do was motivate me to face my own fears and not go down the same path as she did. In this regard, she was a great teacher to me and not long after she transitioned I was divinely guided to take the Radical Forgiveness Master Coach 10 day training in Atlanta.
It was a huge step for me, and again way outside my comfort zone, but in the end it was one of the best things I could have done for myself because it set me on the trajectory of facing my fears, and the journey of living my love story.
I am eternally grateful to be on this path of self-forgiveness and self-acceptance just as I am, and in time I have learned to love myself. I’m still on this healing journey however this year I’ve had some major shifts in this area of my life and feel truly worthy and deserving of this love for myself because I have freedom from the fears.
This is where the synchronicity comes in again.
It just so happens that this Friday, the day I fly to Egypt, is the 9 year anniversary of my grandmother’s passing, and it’s a full moon! You just can’t make these things up. I didn’t realize the mysterious alignment of these dates until just a few weeks ago.
In numerology the number 9 represents endings and completions and I have a strong intuitive feeling that this trip is going to be transformational for me as a new beginning.
The other day when I was dancing my grandmother came to my mind, she was dancing with me, and I know she is leaving me these breadcrumb signs to follow to complete this stage of my journey. I made a promise to her that I was going to end the cycle of fear she carried and commit myself to healing into wholeness.
I have no doubt that this is all happening for me, rather than to me. And unlike my grandmother, I will face my fears and take this trip and I will trust in the divine unfoldment of it all.
I am reminded that everything is always working out for me, even if it doesn’t seem that way and she is cheering me on all along the way.
These are the same phrases I spoke to the women when I was on stage just a few days ago and they echo loudly in my mind as the beautiful blessings of having the freedom to live my love story.
If you would like to experience the guided visualization for yourself listen to the audio recording so you too can be free from your fear story and claim your love story.
In my next blog I will share about my travel adventures so stay tuned, and if you would like to be notified when I share it you can join my email Love Letter list at the bottom of this page.
Until next time… thank you for being here.
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