The Shift That Happens When You Stop Trying to Fix Yourself
Have you ever found yourself thinking,
“Why am I here again?”
Perhaps it’s the same kind of relationship.
The same emotional reaction.
The same feeling of not being enough.
The same habit you’ve promised yourself you’ll change.
You’ve read the books.
Done the workshops.
Listened to the podcasts.
You’ve gained insight into why you do what you do.
So why does it still happen?
If you’ve ever asked yourself that question, you’re not alone.
It’s easy to believe we simply need another breakthrough, another insight, or a different approach that will finally help us move beyond what keeps showing up.
But what if the invitation isn’t to find something new?
What if it’s to begin relating to yourself in a different way?
The Shift That Changed Everything for Me
There was a time I believed the answer was learning one more healing modality.
One more certification.
One more breakthrough.
Each one brought valuable insights, yet I still found myself meeting familiar parts of myself in new situations.
What changed wasn’t another technique.
It was the way I began relating to myself.
Instead of asking,
“How do I change this?”
I became curious enough to ask,
“What is this trying to show me?”
That simple shift changed the way I approached healing and, ultimately, the way I approached relating to myself.
What If There's Another Way to Understand Yourself?
I don’t believe lasting change begins by trying to become someone different.
I believe it begins by understanding ourselves more deeply and relating to ourselves differently.
So often, the behaviours we judge are the very adaptations that once helped us feel safe.
They aren’t flaws.
They’re protective patterns.
For many of us, these patterns developed so gradually that we began mistaking them for who we are.
Instead of asking,
“How do I get rid of this?”
We might ask,
“What was this part of me trying to protect?”
That question creates space.
And in that space, judgment gives way to acceptance, resistance softens into understanding, and new choices become possible.
Meeting Ourselves with Curiosity Instead of Judgment
This is where Radical Forgiveness and shadow work have become so meaningful in my own life and in the work I do with clients.
They invite us to meet ourselves with curiosity and compassion instead of trying to get rid of the parts we struggle with.
So often, we’re in a hurry to move beyond our fear, our anger, our people pleasing, or our self doubt. We try to bypass what’s here, hoping the next insight or breakthrough will finally make it disappear.
But when we slow down long enough to become curious, we often discover that the protective patterns we’ve been coming up against carry an important message.
The intention isn’t to get rid of these parts of ourselves.
It’s to understand why they came into being, appreciate how they once served us, and recognize whether they’re still supporting the life we’re trying to create today.
From that place of understanding, new choices become possible.
A Practice You Can Begin Today
The next time you notice yourself reacting in a familiar way, pause before trying to change it.
Instead, ask yourself:
- What am I protecting right now?
- What story am I believing about myself?
- What would change if I met this part of myself with curiosity instead of judgment?
You don’t need to have all the answers.
Simply noticing is enough.
Awareness creates choice.
Practice creates the conditions for lasting change.
Returning to Yourself, One Choice at a Time
Healing isn’t about becoming someone new.
It’s about returning to yourself, one conscious choice at a time.
Every moment of curiosity is an opportunity to return.
Every compassionate response is an opportunity to return.
Every time you pause long enough to understand rather than judge, you strengthen the relationship you have with yourself.
Perhaps that’s what returning to ourselves really means.
It’s not about becoming someone different, but rather meeting ourselves with greater honesty, understanding, and awareness than we did yesterday. And this takes practice.
Because we don’t transform by fixing ourselves.
We transform through the way we relate to ourselves.
And that relationship is built through practice.
🌿 A Seasonal Invitation to Return to Yourself
As summer begins to slow down, nature reminds us that every season invites us to pause, reflect, and prepare for what’s next.
If something in this article has resonated with you, perhaps this is your invitation to return to yourself.
Whether you’re ready to begin a daily practice of self-understanding, explore a specific challenge with personalized guidance, or experience both together, I’ve created three seasonal invitations to support you.
There isn’t one right place to begin.
Only the place that’s right for you.
I’d love to welcome you.
Explore the Return to Yourself Seasonal Invitation → HERE.
About the Author
Lorree Appleby is an author, speaker, Certified Radical Forgiveness Master Coach, and Certified Shamanic Healing Practitioner. As the creator of the Soul Adventure™ Journey to the Real Me Game, she inspires a daily practice of self-understanding that helps people deepen their relationship with themselves, strengthen self-trust, and practice more conscious choices in everyday life.
Through Our Purposeful Journey, Lorree guides people in recognizing the protective patterns they’ve developed, building a more compassionate relationship with themselves, and creating lasting change through awareness, practice, and conscious choice.
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